I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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