I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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