I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
