Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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