I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can't turn off my feet"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
