He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
