I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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