i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
