I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
