Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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