i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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