im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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