My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
