The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
