we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
