best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
