My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
