This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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