im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
