I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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