So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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