You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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