a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
