Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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