Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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