Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
