So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
