We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
