I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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