I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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