I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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