I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
