i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
