I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
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