lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
