i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
