I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
