I think I died a long time ago.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
