fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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