Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
