pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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