I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
