She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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