kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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