do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
