i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
