The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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