this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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