he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
