I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
