i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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