How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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