i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
