She is in my trunk
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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