So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
