All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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