Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize