I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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