I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
