I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
