the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
