I'm jealous of your bromance
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize