I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
