Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
