The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
