What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
