just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize