why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
