You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize