I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I am one with the molecules
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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