All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
