I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
