I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
