dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
