My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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