I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
