'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
