So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
