He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
