I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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