I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
