I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
