I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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