My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
