Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
