I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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