I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
