that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My penis needs a shock collar
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
