I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
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