tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
