I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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