I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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