I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
