i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
