No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
