seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
