dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
