addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
