It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize