idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
