What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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