So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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