I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
